5 Things I’d have done differently on my own wedding day
We got married 11 years ago (this August). I know it’s the kind of thing everyone always says after their wedding day (hopefully everyone), but it really was one of the best days of our lives. We grinned from start to finish. Reflecting on the day over a decade later, I secretly wish we could go back and do it all again (except that I’d need now need a slightly wider wedding dress and realistically I’d struggle to stay awake past 10pm).
Maybe you are reading this at the start of your own wedding planning overwhelmed at all the choices? Or, maybe you have most things finalised and you’re a few weeks off the big day?(If the latter, then no doubt you can’t wait to jet off on your honeymoon and to NOT have to talk about wedding planning (please no one say ‘seating plan’ again!).)
Trust me when I say- ‘it will all come together!’ The ceremony will finally arrive and you can put all that nervous anticipation behind you. If I could give you one teeny piece of advice though, I’d tell you-when the day comes, please try and ‘be in the moment’ as much as you can. Easier said than done, I know, but believe me, it’s over in a blink of an eye.
Did I say one piece of advice….ok, I lied. I’ve put together a list of 5 things I might have done differently (or things I wish people would have told me-they probably did and I probably ignored them!!) on my big day in the hope it might inspire or support you.
Consider who you ask to marry you. My husband and I, were lucky enough to be married by a vicar who was familiar to my husband’s family (she later went on to christen all three of my children). I’d always wanted a church wedding and we were married in a beautiful little church next to where my husband grew up. During the service, our vicar did talk about how we met and delved a little into our ‘love story’ but gosh, it would have been so special to be married by someone who had taken the time to really get to know us. Tell ‘our story’ warts (don’t worry, there weren’t really any warts) and all. A wedding celebrant (such as myself) does just this. I can also incorporate any Christian (or any other religious) values and traditions into the ceremony too.
Ask whoever you want to be your Bridesmaid or Groomsman (or play a significant role in the ceremony) and don’t worry about politics or fret that you have too many people involved. I had a very ‘supportive’ member of our family who told me not to have too many bridesmaids following me down the aisle as it would look ‘fussy!’ In truth, there were some key people I didn’t ask to be my bridesmaid, who I really wished had been there with me on the morning of the wedding, to hold my hand and keep me calm. So, ask yourself- who do you really want supporting you? If the number is getting out of hand, ask them to buy their own outfits (they won’t question it if they really love you) or consider allowing them to participate in a symbolic ritual such as handfasting or ring warming. There are so many ways people special to you can be included in the ceremony and this can also involve honouring the memory of loved ones no longer with you. A wedding celebrant can encourage you to think outside of the box with this.
Think about what time in the day to get married and ask yourself if you can make it any earlier? We got married at 2.30pm and goodness knows why, really. I actually think it’s because I thought it would give me more time to get ready in the morning. The sad truth, was that it just seemed to be over all too soon. Everyone was just getting into their groove on the dance floor when they were calling last time at the bar. I remember looking at my watch after the speeches and recoiling that it was already 7pm. It’s obviously a personal choice and sometimes the time slot available is outside of your control, but just think about how much hard work as gone into your planning and consider if you can draw the day out, for a bit longer at least? Remember, as a wedding celebrant, I only ever commit to one wedding a day so unlike a registrar or Vicar, I don’t have to rush off to another wedding straight after.
Don’t get hung up about the weather. Easier said than done, I know (especially if you’re British). It was forecast torrential rain for our wedding day so for the week beforehand, I was a woman possessed- checking the weather forecast (and this was before ‘Ask Alexa,’ was invented…) constantly. I walked around with a sense of foreboding as the day drew near. I wish I hadn’t wasted such precious time worrying about it. As it happened, it did rain. Really, really badly in the morning (hmmm maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing we didn’t get married until 2.30pm after all) and I’m pretty sure I heard thunder and lightening from inside the church, during the exchanging of the rings. When we finally emerged from the church afterwards, the sun was beaming out- rather serendipitously as Beatles, ‘Here Comes the Sun’ echoed from the church speakers as we left the church. So, all in all, it couldn’t have been better. If you don’t luck out with the weather though, just know that there are always options: guests will bring brollies, outdoor ceremonies can be brought inside. Buckets can catch raindrops from leaking roofs and once everyone has had a couple of mojitos, they’ll all be merrily singing in the rain! It really doesn’t matter-remember everyone is there to support YOU and will make the best of the situation. After all, who doesn’t love a wedding?! Don’t waste time getting hung up on something out of your control and remember, a wedding celebrant can be flexible and adaptable!
Finally, get someone to film the day! On our own wedding day, I think we had got to the point where our purses were pretty empty and a videographer was the first thing to be crossed off the ‘wish list.’ Now we only have stills from the day and whilst these are still so beautiful, we’d love to have video footage to watch back. Those hidden moments from the day which might otherwise not be captured. I’d would be great to watch back and see the guests arriving beforehand and all the bits you miss on the day itself when you are off having your pics taken. I don’t mean you have to spend loads on a professional (whilst that of course would be the dream) but just even consider asking one of the wedding party to be the person specifically designated to capturing the day. Don’t get me wrong, there is some magic in having our own private memories safely stored in our minds. As our waists get wider and our hair greyer though, I’d love to watch our wedding (and youth) back with our children. Also, it might mean that a designated videographer will encourage other guests to put their phones away, be present-making their own memories from the day.
